Decided to have a lazy day yesterday – well, it was Sunday. So I caught up with my favourite Sunday morning viewing (Insiders, then Offsiders, then The Sunday Roast, along with watching last night’s RockWiz – what a brilliant show) and then I did a lot of reading.
I finished my second Kerrelyn Sparks – I’m really getting into those novels – and a couple of the Harlequins I picked up at ARRC.
When dinner came round, I made my fatal error. You see, I’ve not been fussing too much with the points with Weight Watchers (not going to meetings for weigh-ins at the moment) and with Hubby coming home today, knew it was my last chance to eat certain foods. So I got some Chinese delivered.
Now, I need to order more Chinese than I can eat myself because it’s gotta be more than $25 for home-delivery. I’m usually pretty good at only eating what I can bear, and then throwing the rest (I know that’s a waste, but it’s the way it is). However last night, I ate too much (damn those honey king prawns!)
I went to bed, and my tummy wasn’t happy, and so I was having issues sleeping. And before long, the self-talk started and the mood started to sink – you’re so stupid, can’t believe you do these things to yourself…
Managed to catch it and judging by how I’m feeling this morning, I’ve pretty much talked myself out of it – I’m feeling a bit braindead, but not upset or sad.
But as a result, I didn’t sleep well last night and so today’s going to be harder than it should be. Disappointing on the day when I’ll be going to pick hubby up from the airport.
I think this is one of the things the counselling is about – giving you the skills so that when you catch the negative thinking, you know how to deal with it.
Went for a walk this morning – didn’t walk yesterday, maybe that was part of the problem as well. Also have a to-do list today, so hopefully I’ll finish it feeling accomplished. With hubby home, I should also be happier as well. Although it is the end of responsibility-free Nicole.
Thanks for sharing, Nicole. I think it's great that you've started a page and sharing your journey with others. This is brave but worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, your depression is not unique, a lot of people suffer with it at some point in their lives. Sharing your journey here will help. Getting things out of the heart and onto the page is a good healer in itself.
Much luv, and hugs and I will be following your blog and cheering you on - because you will get through this!
Luv Michele ♥
Thanks Michele, I really appreciate that. Something good should come out of this, shouldn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Nicole. You're where you are right now for a reason even if it does not seem apparent at the time. Considering everything you've been through - it's most likely telling you to take stock, rest, get on top of health, work, play - find the balance and the next thing you know depression is no longer your enemy :)
ReplyDeleteIt simply came along with the hope that you'd listen. You are listening...this is the first and most important step to healing ♥
Yes, I've always been a believer in listening to your body. It does know when things are wrong - it doesn't muck up just cause it's bored :)
ReplyDeleteI am a master of the art of negative self talk. Have become much better at challenging my negative self talk and more adept at recognising when my internal dialogue heads into "lets tell Sue she is shit territory". Sometimes challenging my thoughts is easy and other times it is a bit of work. If it is a bit of work I remind myself that my brain is operating on chemicals and if I can I walk (sometimes for miles!) and that helps the chemicals to balance. If I am able to walk somewhere picturesque I can focus on the scenery. Have a friend here in town and we walk up a big hill that offers a great view of Newman and we discuss life and the universe. She is leaving in a few weeks which I am sad about.
ReplyDelete