Things are going well. The anti-depressants have kicked in to the point that I’m feeling quite mellow. I’m still having issues with my sleep patterns and resultant tiredness, but I’ll have a chat to the doctor about that this afternoon when I go for a check-up.
On the weekend, a friend blogged about their own battle with depression and a recent fall back into the blackness. They talked about their concerns about being medicated and now wanting to lose who they really are.
It’s something that I related to. In the past, I had my gynaecologist come up with a different birth control because I didn’t like how the pill evened me out. Sure, not having the downs was good, but I lost the highs as well. An IUD solved that problem.
It is something that plays on my mind now that I’m on anti-depressants, because I’m also on the pill at the moment too (to deal with peri-menopause symptoms). I recognise that right now, I need the help – my brain is seriously out of whack – but I don’t want to lose ME.
Then someone commented on my friends blog and paraphrasing it went like this – a psychologist friend told them that actually, the unmedicated you probably isn’t the real you. After all, you’re on medication because your brain chemistry is fucked up, right?
It’s like a brain explosion. We all know that in bi-polar, the manic phase is as dangerous as the depression phase. I’m not bi-polar, I don’t get manic, but maybe the at time intense highs and lows I go through, which I’ve always associated with me being an ‘emotional’ person, aren’t healthy either.
Maybe once the anti-depressants get my brain chemistry under control, I’m going to find the ‘real’ me.
I’ll discuss it with the counsellor at my session on Wednesday and see what she thinks.
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